the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
