I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
