i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
