I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
