i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
