Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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