Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
