That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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