i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
