dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
