I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
