my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
