wrigley field is MILF paradise
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
