dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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