birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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