I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
