Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
