it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
