Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
