You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
