he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
