i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
