my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
