I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize