We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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