she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize