Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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