He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
