Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
