My brain says no but my pants say off.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Let's paint friendship bongs
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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