he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
