apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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