She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
