there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
