I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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