idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize