Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize