These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
