Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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