Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
