drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
