Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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