I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
