he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
