We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
