Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
