oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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