ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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