I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
40s are totally the cure
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
