I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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