He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Panties = found
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize