he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
