I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
