Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
