At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I want a musical about memes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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