Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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