is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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