He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
