im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
