Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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