Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Holy shit dude........stairs
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