That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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