I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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