I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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