Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
