guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
