what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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