Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
