she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My bed smells like the plague
He did a backflip because drugs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
