then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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