sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
