let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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