$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
