i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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