she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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