Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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