Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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