We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
