I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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