I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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