There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
