Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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