Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
