Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I love you.
Bad choice
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
