if you like me you must not know who I am
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
