I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
