I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My pussy is not your playground.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
