I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
