you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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