a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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