she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
