I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Drake has all the answers
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
