Jerry, you need to find god
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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