I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
