If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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