I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
