man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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