i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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