Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize