At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
