Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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