Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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