Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
