Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
