Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
